Getting Back to Basics

Well, hello again blog world! It's been almost 4 months since I last posted here and it's safe to say a lot has happened in that relatively short amount of time. I turned 24, got a dog, parted ways with my long term boyfriend, moved into a new apartment, started a new job, traveled to Chicago, Atlanta, and Los Angeles, had a reunion with my college best friends (after 2 years apart), started freelancing for a magazine, etc, etc, etc. I'll spare you the rest but suffice it to say, it's been a crazy time. Fun and new, but crazy and unsettled at the same time.

In all this change and upheaval there's been certainly been goodness and growth, but also a lot of confusion and (what feels like) backsliding. I'm really grateful for the way my life is playing out and everything new I'm getting to experience and how much fun I've been having, but my ability to put rose colored glasses on the past can be a challenge. This isn't saying I want to go back to how things used to be in a former season of my life, but honestly (and it's hard to admit this) I feel like I've been a better person previously than I am right now.

Moving into a new season of life and trying to figure out how to navigate it "successfully" isn't an easy task, and I'm afraid it's lead to me putting blinders on and focusing way too much on myself. Back when things felt more normal and settled I had the time and space to look around me and be more mindful. I prided myself on helping others to feel better and encouraging my friends/family to look on the positive side of life. I would much rather be the one putting joy into others lives than being someone who stays in her lane and doesn't give her energy and love to the people and world around her.

I've even found it harder to find as much joy in the little things that used to make me happy, like a quiet, beautiful morning or good book. I've felt distracted, caught up in my own head- constantly thinking about my life and how things are going- the next plans I have or who I'm going to hang out with. Not that being busy and having a full social life is a bad thing (I've had more fun and adventures this summer than I have in a long time) but I worry I've placed too much importance on external stimulation rather than internal contentment.

For most of my life I've definitely considered myself an introvert. I felt most relaxed and content just hanging by myself- reading or writing or taking a long walk. I'm not sure why I've felt so pulled to be around other people, but for the past few months I've found that I'm mainly just bored and lonely when I'm by myself/not out doing something. I'm not sure how or why this shifted, but I know that I don't want to lose that part of myself. I love my independence and ability to be content on my own without relying on others- it's one of the main things that makes me me. 

I'm honestly not even sure where this blog post is going, but it's just something I felt I had to write/process/get out of my head. I suppose the point is this- regardless of the season of life I'm in I don't want to lose myself, the core things that make me who I am, in the shuffle. But I also don't want to cling to the past and resist change. How do you stay grounded when everything else is in your life has been turned upside down (in both good and bad ways) while still being open and accepting newness/change? I'm trying to figure this out, but like everything else I've experienced in this world of "adulthood", I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.

What I do know is this: moving forward I want to get back to basics, to the less-self centered version of myself. I want to lift my head up and notice/appreciate the people and world around me. I want to read and learn and write and challenge myself personally on a regular basis. I want to be a positive light to people in my life. I want to be okay with being alone and still. I want to grow in a meaningful way and get back to my faith on a deeper level. My life has been revolving around the wrong things and I'm grateful that I've been able to realize this and actively make a point to change it for the better. The joke of the summer is that I'm the "new Lanie", but I don't want to completely lose the "old Lanie" in the meantime. Trying to figure out how to blend the good parts of both the new and old me isn't easy, but I'm going to be mindful about it and give it my best shot.

I'm so grateful for my life- the people, where I live, my pup, the health of my friends and family, my passions, etc. Things may not be perfect (and let's be real, they never will be) but I'm figuring it out as I go and am thankful to have this space to explore and share my thoughts as I do. If you've read this far, I'm impressed and thank you! I'd love to hear any similar struggles you've had or advice on how to reconcile staying true to yourself in the midst of change. xoxoxo

-Lanie W.

An Ode to Springtime

I've always considered myself a bit of a nature nerd. While some people go about their lives not really noticing their natural surroundings, I take the opposite approach and am probably a bit too observant. You can often find me stopped dead in my tracks gawking at a sunrise or sunset (which can make going on a walk with me a bit annoying I'm sure- sorry friends!). Standing in the morning light watching the day come to life feels like getting a hug from an old friend. The way the soft sunlight filters through the trees or a gentle breeze rustles new spring leaves makes me positively giddy. One glance at my Instagram (@laniemw) and you'll see that photos of flowers, trees, and water outnumber photos of people 10 to 1.

Growing up and living in the lowcountry, surrounded by the marsh and palmetto trees and garden-filled cities like Charleston and Savannah, is such a gift and I treasure each day I get to spend here. My soul and this little part of the world are truly one in the same- I feel completely intertwined with the sweeping landscapes and delicate intricacies that make up the South Carolina coast. While I appreciate the nuances that accompany each of the four seasons here, every time spring arrives I realize that it's where my heart truly lies.

My birthday is April 3rd- I'm an Aries born in the heart of springtime. I know it sounds silly, but I honestly feel like my heart and soul are connected to spring and nature in a deep, unexplainable way. I never gave this feeling too much thought- I just accepted that it was how I'm wired  and went about my life. However, on my walk this morning I had a realization- the blooming and stirring and coming to life of nature in spring is so special to me because feels like my yearly birthday gift from the Lord- like it's all happening especially for me.

There are so many soul-saturating opportunities to experience the truth of the Gospel in nature it blows my mind. To see a barren tree without a single green leaf suddenly spring to life over night is one of the most poignant examples of the love, grace, provision and power of Jesus I can imagine. I am reminded of and filled up by Him every time I sit and listen to the birds sing, when I see a new flower that wasn't there the day before, when I feel the sunshine on my face or the breeze in my hair, when I sit by the water and marvel at its vast, deep endlessness. He isn't an abstract thought or person from a story in the Bible- He's there, He's all around, He's present and active every moment- it never fails to give me chills and the deepest sense of gratitude.

I don't believe in coincidences. I know that I was born in springtime because it's the time nature is the most in your face and obvious- demanding to be noticed and appreciated. When what was dead and dormant comes screaming to life and color and fullness again you simply have to stop and let yourself experience it- experience Him. I'll never get over my nature/springtime obsession, and I'm so thankful that the Lord planted this connection to Him + His amazing creation in my heart.

-Lanie W.

Don't Call It A Comeback

So, I'm realizing (for the umpteenth time) that I miss my blog/blogging. I miss the ritual of re-capping tidbits of my life, sharing what's inspiring me, and just writing on a frequent basis. The problem is, I don't really know what to make this space about. I'm in SUCH a different place in my life than I was in 2012, about to start my Junior year of college (sidenote: I can't believe this blog is going to turn 4 years old in July- so crazy). I have different passions, priorities, ideas, beliefs, desires, etc. In light of that, I want this space to keep growing and changing as I learn and get older, but I don't really know how to make that happen in a fluid way.

I've said it a million times, but being a (young) "adult" is weird. It's fuzzy and unclear 99% of the time. It's setting out on a journey without even knowing your destination- like the people back in Columbus' time who tried to find the edge of the earth/new land. We step off the secure, easily navigable land of childhood/school/college, get into a boat, and push off into the wild ocean without a single clue how the journey will go, when we'll arrive, or even if we'll ever get somewhere. How are we supposed to reconcile that this never-ending, life-long journey to a destination we don't know even exists is just "how it is"? I suppose my type-a, planner side doesn't help me cope in this shifting scenario, but I digress.

The good, life-changing news is we're all in this weird, (seemingly) directionless boat together- and the person steering the boat (Jesus) knows our destination. He knows exactly where we're going, when we'll arrive, when we'll encounter storms and when we'll drift peacefully underneath blue skies. I'm the first to admit that putting faith in our Captain seems impossibly hard sometimes. We just want access to the map that lays out exactly where our path will take us and how long it will take to get there. But, I'm learning, that isn't how life works. We're just along for the journey and have to do our best along the way. That's the only thing we know- we're on an adventure and our Captain is more than capable of keeping us safe. He isn't promising our sailing will always be struggle-free, but he is promising that he'll never abandon the ship. He's here for the long haul- no matter what, and he invites us to lean on Him for constant support. The best part is that he's infinitely capable of taking care of us if we simply put our trust and faith in Him every single day.  I don't know about you, but knowing Jesus is, and always will be, at the helm is the most peace-giving truth I've ever known. <3

If anything, starting this second full year post-college has made me feel less adult than I did when I first got a job/apartment/moved to a new city. It seems like my friends and I are all feeling restless and ready for new things- new apartments, new cities, new jobs, etc. We're all on the brink of something, without knowing what that something will be. Regardless of where this year takes me and what I decide to write about, here's what I want my internet presence to be: honest. In college you think that once you graduate and become an "adult" that everything will work out and you'll magically feel "grown up". But here's the thing- life isn't always tropical vacations and promotions and a great salary with benefits. It's hard work and there are new obstacles to tackle every single day. However, I've found that acknowledging the ebb and flow of good/bad can be cathartic. When we're vulnerable and share our truths we can actually heal and help one another. We're all going through this weird experience of life together, but only when we take down our protective walls of curated "perfection" can we can truly support each other. It's not easy, but opening up and being real with each other really makes life infinitely more connected/sweet.

I suppose I'll just start where I am- by simply making the commitment to post at least once a week. I can't promise that what I'll be posting about will even be interesting to read, but I'm at the point where I don't really care about my "stats" or number of followers- I just want to write and honor the part of myself that truly enjoys blogging to blog. SO- that's where I'm at. I'm going to attempt to redeem my sub-par 2015 blogging frequency and attempt to regain my discipline/passion for sharing my thoughts through writing. Here goes nothing!

xoxoxo

- Lanie W.

Whirlwind

Whew- the first two weeks of 2016 have been c-r-a-z-y, but in the best way possible. On New Years Eve my boyfriend and I made a (super) spur of the moment decision to drive across the country to see our Clemson Tigers play in the National Championship game in Arizona! After quickly finding tickets and figuring out how to get there, we packed up his car and drove to Austin, Texas to meet up with five of our best friends from college. From there, the seven of us drove the rest of the way to Arizona together.

The trip turned out to be the adventure of a lifetime. Nothing in the whole world beats being with old friends- people who truly know you, who've seen you through good and bad, who love you for you. We haven't all been in the same place at the same time since 2014, so being trapped in a car together for 14+ hours straight was basically a dream come true. We had the best time reminiscing, catching up on our new lives, laughing, talking, and just soaking up our time together.  The entire trip was one of the most ridiculous, fun, hilarious, crazy, amazing things I've ever done and I loved every second of it. A cross-country road trip with best friends is one of those *bucket list* items you always want to do, but never actually think will happen. I'm so thankful to Clemson for giving us all a reason to come together again- my heart hasn't been that full in a long time. Here's a peek at the trip-

The biggest highlight of the week was definitely visiting the Grand Canyon for the first time (the fact that I got to experience this breathtaking place with my best friends made it even sweeter). It was easily one of the (if not the) most beautiful, truly awe-inspiring places I've ever been. Nature is my happy place, so I was totally in heaven in this incredible park surrounded by the most unique landscapes I've experienced in my 23 years of life.  I can't express how deeply thankful I am to have had the privilege to visit one of the most special places in our country- such a blessing!

My people <3 

After making the journey from South Carolina to Arizona and back, I turned around two days later and ran my very first half-marathon! My girlfriend and I have been training since October, so it was crazy that the race seemed to arrive and end so quickly! It was a tough, fun, crazy experience and I still can't believe I actually did it! We were so lucky that the weather was perfect and I'm so proud to say I finished it in 2 hours and 13 minutes (2 minutes faster than my goal time)! Whoop whoop!

After such a whirlwind few weeks I feel like I'm finally settling into the new year and getting back to regular life after the holidays. Here's to getting settled, organized, and back in my routine! Cheers!

-Lanie W.

2015 --> 2016

Helloooo... it's me. (Sorry, I'm currently listening to 25 on my record player and couldn't resist the chance to quote Adele)! Well well well- I don't even know where begin. It's been so long sine I've written here it feels a bit odd to do so. I'm not even sure I know how to blog anymore. I'm so out of practice with sharing my thoughts through writing on a regular basis that I feel a little very rusty. To be completely honest, I do miss the ritual of writing here a few days a week. I really can't believe I was able to blog on such a consistent basis while also doing school/life/an internship full time. I'm retroactively impressed with myself, if that's even possible (lolz).

I'm in the process of reviewing my 2015 goals and measuring how the year went. Looking back, 2015 was great and weird, confusing and fun, life-giving and full of change. I was pushed out of my comfort zone constantly and learned what it meant to truly rely on the Lord for strength and guidance. I worked my first real job for a full year and learned so much about life, myself, other people, and a thousand other random intricacies of "adulthood". My friends and I laughed and cried and smiled and complained and told the same stories over and over again. We went to happy hours and weddings and football games. We danced and rode bikes and ate too many tacos. I ran a 10k and started training for my first half marathon (which I'm going to be running in just 13 days!!!). I found a church I love and spent blissful, soul-nourishing hours worshiping Jesus with some amazing humans. I traveled to a brand new city (St. Louis!). Brandon and I finally got to fly in a plane together for the first time. I attended two really interesting (but very different) professional conferences. I made new friends and deepened relationships with those I've known for years. Mostly, I spent the 2015 un-learning everything I knew to be true for the first 23 years of my life and re-forming how I understand, live in, and experience the world + life in general. It was really challenging at times, but also full of grace and "aha" moments. If I could sum up the year in one word it would definitely be this: growth.

Moving into 2016, I'm unsure how to feel. It's sure to be another year full of the unknown; 365 days of new circumstances and experiences that will bring both good and bad, joy and pain. I have no idea what's going to happen, and that's feeling more scary than exciting right now for some reason. There are so many what-if's swirling around the new year, but here's what I'm hoping will happen in 2016: 

Move a new apartment in a different area of town

Adopt a puppy (!!!)

Travel to Austin, Chicago and Nashville (to name a few)

Take Brandon to NYC for the first time

Reunite with my roommates from Florida 

Keep up my passion for nutrition + my fitness/running routine

Make my family and friends feel special and loved by me at all times

Help people and make a difference in my community

Read, learn, and challenge myself continually

Have quiet time to pray, journal, and spend time with the Lord each day

Take advantage of living in Charleston and experience new things

Grow in my faith, join a small group, and be brave about sharing Jesus' amazing love with others

Spend as much time with the people I love as possible, because life is so short and uncertain

There are so many tangible and intangible things I hope to do this year, but most of all I want to do everything out of love and a lens of eternal significance. If I end the year and all I've done is cover my family, friends, and those I interact with in Jesus' love, then I will consider 2016 a success. I don't have as many hard "goals" as I do a passion for making this year full of joy rooted in Jesus- because He is truly all that matters yesterday, today, and forever. Living the next 12 months in pursuit of Him will yield better things than I could ever dream up for myself- and that is really the only thing I know to be true.

However you're hoping this year will go, I wish you a wonderful start of 2016! I'd love to say when I'll be back to the blog, but given my sporadic writing nature these days I really don't know when that will be. :)

Until next time! xoxo

-Lanie W.